Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list