Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
