Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again