If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
