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i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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