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splinters make it hard to masturbate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
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