I can text with my tongue
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
