I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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