I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i would punch a child for taco bell
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...