When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
