Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you