then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.