So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
