ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
