using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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