Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room