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don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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