Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's