well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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