Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

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  (508): she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it. http://tfl.nu/mcxs
  Replies (38) Good night (1458) Bad night (7052) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.

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  (860): I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night. http://tfl.nu/69i0
  Replies (57) Good night (1312) Bad night (6640) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...

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  (734): im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend... http://tfl.nu/gkjq
  Replies (60) Good night (2492) Bad night (6206) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever

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  (901): we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever http://tfl.nu/yt63
  Replies (7) Good night (919) Bad night (5422) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's

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  (214): things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's http://tfl.nu/bgm4
  Replies (35) Good night (1135) Bad night (4675) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.

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  (646): But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet. http://tfl.nu/nifm
  Replies (21) Good night (1761) Bad night (3945) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.

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  (702): And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now. http://tfl.nu/so7u
  Replies (7) Good night (729) Bad night (3198) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....

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  (503): And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container.... http://tfl.nu/xfht
  Replies (16) Good night (1490) Bad night (3198) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

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  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11514) Bad night (2162) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

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  (619): You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one... http://tfl.nu/h6us
  Replies (13) Good night (3525) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.

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  (301): they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with. http://tfl.nu/84m6
  Replies (23) Good night (6296) Bad night (1621) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

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  (610): I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird. http://tfl.nu/pqr9
  Replies (5) Good night (2493) Bad night (1492) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.

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  (720): He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED. http://tfl.nu/xnx5
  Replies (8) Good night (2983) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  and then he started using my ass as a stressball

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  (973): and then he started using my ass as a stressball http://tfl.nu/q5mx
  Replies (16) Good night (3465) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things

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  (706): She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things http://tfl.nu/lrvj
  Replies (23) Good night (4711) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

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  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4505) Bad night (1035)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  He just wants an even tan

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  (860): I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked. (1-860): He just wants an even tan http://tfl.nu/akk9
  Replies (18) Good night (4070) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.

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  (503): Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter. http://tfl.nu/kpej
  Replies (15) Good night (5170) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.

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  (717): The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot. http://tfl.nu/h8z2
  Replies (6) Good night (2662) Bad night (990)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.

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  (724): You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night. http://tfl.nu/vcog
  Replies (16) Good night (5030) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

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  (615): The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted. http://tfl.nu/wtc2
  Replies (4) Good night (3025) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.

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  (281): He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning. http://tfl.nu/ijln
  Replies (5) Good night (3247) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.

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  (804): I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either. http://tfl.nu/j4vn
  Replies (5) Good night (3651) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

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  (630): She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving. http://tfl.nu/1pg2
  Replies (16) Good night (5537) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.

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  (614): I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision. http://tfl.nu/xp34
  Replies (7) Good night (4028) Bad night (699)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.

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  (317): I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one. http://tfl.nu/jdn1
  Replies (6) Good night (1358) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.

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  (678): Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago. http://tfl.nu/b245
  Replies (13) Good night (1436) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand

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  (413): he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand http://tfl.nu/zcon
  Replies (17) Good night (3679) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt