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Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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