Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
