He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.