Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
