So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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