If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
