you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
