Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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