Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.

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  (604): I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse. http://tfl.nu/53yl
  Replies (13) Good night (1004) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have major gossip for you.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh no, did you have sex last night?

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.

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  (570): I have major gossip for you. (1-570): Oh no, did you have sex last night? (570): If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited. http://tfl.nu/1upd
  Replies (8) Good night (1260) Bad night (334)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.

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  (765): I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it. http://tfl.nu/7uod
  Replies (9) Good night (1808) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.

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  (678): So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch. http://tfl.nu/2vud
  Replies (2) Good night (727) Bad night (205)
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  (845): View more from New York

  i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.

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  (845): i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over. http://tfl.nu/5sx1
  Replies (1) Good night (4687) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.

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  (416): Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse. http://tfl.nu/9wwo
  Replies (10) Good night (3257) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it

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  (828): It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it http://tfl.nu/e4ef
  Replies (9) Good night (1920) Bad night (301)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list

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  (217): I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list http://tfl.nu/djej
  Replies (5) Good night (1496) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.

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  (760): I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/o963
  Replies (7) Good night (786) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

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  (574): 2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home http://tfl.nu/gyyq
  Replies (13) Good night (5191) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.

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  (574): there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk. http://tfl.nu/a189
  Replies (8) Good night (4269) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers

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  (802): You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers http://tfl.nu/tkru
  Replies (6) Good night (1603) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

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  (765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg
  Replies (18) Good night (1692) Bad night (3892) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.

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  (765): Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall. http://tfl.nu/m1i5
  Replies (5) Good night (533) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.

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  (303): Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish. http://tfl.nu/hxa3
  Replies (3) Good night (932) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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  (901): "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome. (1-901): You have found the Promised Land of friend zones http://tfl.nu/0f4w
  Replies (3) Good night (1065) Bad night (534)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep

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  (774): I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep http://tfl.nu/07gg
  Replies (6) Good night (1790) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  I love you football head

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  (773): Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head. (1-773): I love you football head http://tfl.nu/y5ut
  Replies (7) Good night (2306) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze

  (713): View more from Texas

  My liver has a boner

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  (832): But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze (713): My liver has a boner http://tfl.nu/y8xq
  Replies (3) Good night (1187) Bad night (350)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver

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  (352): Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver http://tfl.nu/yics
  Replies (7) Good night (1019) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today

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  (231): FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today http://tfl.nu/dvgl
  Replies (5) Good night (1660) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.

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  (215): There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut. http://tfl.nu/e6c8
  Replies (2) Good night (1359) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.

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  (865): Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts. http://tfl.nu/is6y
  Replies (7) Good night (1343) Bad night (618)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.

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  (508): I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn. http://tfl.nu/62bv
  Replies (10) Good night (544) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN

  (1-626): View more from California

  we're fated to lesbian

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  (626): AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN (1-626): we're fated to lesbian http://tfl.nu/bohp
  Replies (5) Good night (1077) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.

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  (416): It's like shitshowville, population: those girls. http://tfl.nu/vlzn
  Replies (2) Good night (976) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.

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  (505): KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS. http://tfl.nu/ef79
  Replies (4) Good night (1376) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt