just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...