as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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