how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
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