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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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