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Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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