It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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