hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.