how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
