I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.