her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
