Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks