Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.