the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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