theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.