Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test