glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
