Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener