Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.