toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.