i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
