No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007