He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.