i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
