I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"