the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
