So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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