the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
