Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
