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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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