You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
