You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
