I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.